x-TheBasicFlaw-x

Where were you that day They’ll ask And I’ll say that I was grieving When they stole it away And made me carry That unwanted weight Where were you at the fall We’ll ask Like with all the other acts of terror That came before this assault And we will remember That seasick green rage Where were you when you heard the news They’ll ask And I’ll tell them of that blood-red state And trees so tall they hid the truth But couldn’t keep away That woman they feared I was there when it happened We were there all along Where were you that day They’ll ask And what were you wearing I was there when it happened Me too We’ll say I was in a blood-red state when I heard the news I’ll say And she’ll tell me that she’s leaving Someday my daughter will ask where I was when it fell About the start of it all And we’ll speak about always and beginnings And of tall trees and fear Someday my daughter will understand the news That maybe she is born of that forest Because someone else was denied

I still carry images of snow drifts and farm silos Still carry the weight of disenfranchised grief, The rites I abstained from Because your ache was sharper than mine Still chase me from the shadow of our family tree, Fallen silent as any of the apples scattered in that orchard Beneath the soles of my impractical shoes Because there aren't any words to say Beyond the platitudes we volley, Just creaking branches and cracking snow, Familiar to me in a way that makes you scrunch your eyes shut So I have to see it on my own, The way the snow falls gently While everything else goes still

Static, charged and waiting Waiting, waiting A flicker of fear a flicker of wanting Low and deep Like the sound in the back of your throat I unwrap that sound Unfurl and unfold and underline it all in black ink Annotate the margins With fluttered, shuttered fantasies Back lit and blown out The feeling saturates Steeps like black tea I test the flavor on my tongue Savor, let it melt slowly And linger

I stay soundless A whispered word lost in the crook of your neck Follow me, untethered I'll lead But you stay Bob on the waves Float I want you to watch me like you'd drown me Hold me still as every bubbled breath bursts Thrash and flail and Wait Until we see what's left after the exhale

A gray creep to autumn Your teeth at my neck again Grazing my skin if I breath too deeply And you get off on that tension That shiver along vertebrae That expectant silence Baring skin and teeth and fragility And we are the same A repeated melody Again, again You find me, suffocate me Buried in October leaves and nuance and semantics You turn to shadows, ink seeping in But I stay Gray and blue and silent

It's the fever ache you feel in your teeth A wilted bouquet, a lingering death The kind of withdrawal that kills, careless and blithe Your eyes clear, mine hazy And I drift Find me beneath the waves Somewhere dark blue and soundless The edges washed away by time and sediment And sentiment you hold close to your chest I keep you tucked in the valleys of my rib cage But I am a weight you wouldn't drag around Abandon me Just a word on your lips, I turn to lore, a character in your mythology A forgotten verse in our anthology A shared truth, converging on a needling pain, That the lives and loves we wrote for ourselves All those years ago Were like flowers in a vase Dead from the start

It's the high as I lose my footing All black lingerie and black raspberry perfume and black smudges under my eyes Because sleep is slippery and the nights bloom And I keep the songs on a loop Until they mellow into something pale and hollow And I forget what I first heard Like saying your own name out loud And all I taste is smoke And all I feel are the sharp edges of bones In the gray space between night and morning Until I crawl back to bed And try not to wake you

A gray creep to autumn Your teeth at my neck again Grazing my skin if I breath too deeply And you get off on that tension That shiver along vertebrae That expectant silence Baring skin and teeth and fragility And we are the same A repeated melody Again, again You find me, suffocate me Buried in October leaves and nuance and semantics You turn to shadows, ink seeping in But I stay Gray and blue and silent

and i sit my fingers grappling purple-stained from the ink of my feather quill and i watch as you work the room the way you do & what is a beautiful face like yours doing in an unravelled mind like mine? and i stare my face upturned monotonous and blank the way it always is and i speak so infrequently i may as well not speak at all & you don't tell me you love me but you don't have to a splash of orange in the sky sets a dreamy atmosphere i trace over my canvas and my pencil and your skin and i sit my fingers cramped from capturing & why does the silence sound different when i am with you? my mind tingles the kind of noise that isn't noise at all & i can't sleep & i dream in colour you are my favourite colour and